Overcoming

The importance of courage in developing internal narratives and positive outcomes.

The first time I heard about a friend doing a Tony Robbins program I felt a tinge of “oh shit”. There was a feeling that I’d be left behind. When everyone I knew was reading Steven Covey’s 7 Habits, again… I felt a tinge of “Oh shit”. I don’t want to be left behind.

I’ve always been interested in self development — “Improving my nick of time” — as Thoreau would say. The driving force behind this, for me, for you, for everyone, is a feeling of inferiority. . Not necessarily toward or compared to other people, but in that I am not all that I can be. So I read heaps of personal development books. I do all the things. All in an effort to overcome my feelings of inferiority. To Move from a perceived inferior to a perceived superior.

Courage is a requisite for improvement. Improvement always involves meeting one of life’s challenges.

There are two ways to face a challenge: with the courage to overcome it, or with a lack of courage, in which case one avoids the challenge and misses out on the growth it offers.

With courage, one faces the discomfort and perseveres. Meeting the discomfort of challenges develops skills that enable individuals to face subsequent similar challenges with increased confidence, knowing that they are not insurmountable. In this state of courage, we write positive internal narratives that guide our actions and form part of our identity. Confidence is a positive internal narrative. It’s the story that whatever the challenge may be, you have the skills to overcome it.

Without courage, one shies away from the discomfort of life’s challenges. In shrinking you miss the opportunity to grow. Confidence in meeting life’s next challenge is diminished leading toward further avoidance of new challenges. In this state, we concoct bad internal narratives that guide our actions and form part of our identity. But these narratives excuse and justify our lack of action.

Social life is a game of status. We each have a place on the status hierarchy in our society. Those who lack courage almost inevitably occupy the lower rungs of the hierarchy. They frequently criticize those with higher status or may criticize the status game itself as a means of excusing and justifying their own poor performance in the game. This is all driven by an internal narrative we developed to justify our gradual withdrawal from life’s challenges.

The implications are massive.

The most effective way to determine whether you approach obstacles with courage or shy away from them is to pay attention to what your internal narratives say.

Internal narratives often spill over into how we communicate with others. When I was establishing one of my businesses, I wasn’t making much money. I rented a room from a friend, so I lived there with him, his wife, and their three children. I was a few years older than this friend. To justify and downplay my less-than-ideal living conditions, I crafted the narrative that I was like this friend’s older, developmentally challenged brother. This became the running joke among us. However, I soon realized the significant impact this narrative had not only on me but also on my relationship with the friend. I was always in a lower status position because of the running joke.

That’s no joke. And it’s not something to laugh about.

Life is fleeting, and every moment brings us closer to its end. The opportunity to craft positive internal narratives lies in the present moment. The only way to transform negative narratives into positive ones is through action. By confronting our life’s challenges and persevering, we begin to write new stories about ourselves. These stories, in turn, tend to be self-fulfilling.